The NBA’s worst team, but best soap opera.
So my friend and I (shoutout Steve Marvel-Coen) were driving around the streets of Boston, talking about the Celtics. We talked about my recent article laying out the million and one reasons I don’t want Carmelo on the Celtics which led to us brainstorming what that offense would look like. It would be horrible. Lots of shots and lots of Kevin Love rebounding.
But that wasn’t fun enough for us so we took it one step further.
Thus the birth of the Super Rondo Bros.
Like Super Mario Bros. but far less compatible together. So, more like Super Smash Bros.
Every Celtics fan has heard it plenty of times: “Oh the Celtics might go after ______ because he’s bros with Rondo.” That seems like a pretty common phrase around the Garden. So we decided to find all those players, who are “Rondo’s Bros” and put them together on the same roster to see the glory that would be this team. Here is your starting lineup:
PG RAJON RONDO
Obviously, he is the starting PG on Super Rondo Bros. And despite his quote of, “No, I don’t do much socializing,” he does enough socializing to have at least five bros. Because we also need a coach.
SG KOBE BRYANT
Kobe called Rondo an asshole. Rondo takes it as a complement, calls Kobe an asshole right back. The two love each other. But Kobe does have the utmost respect for Rondo, including Rondo’s name in the list of future Hall of Famers from the 2010 Celtics team.
SF JOSH SMITH
Now realistically it should be Rondo’s other bro Carmelo Anthony here at the three, but Rondo likes to help his bros out and J Smoove looooooves to play that three. So he gets what he wants. Obviously the love connection between J Smoove and Rondo is evident. It’s a better love story than Twilight. Sorry. Had to.
PF CARMELO ANTHONY
Here’s the most recent player that people are saying will play with the Celtics because he’s bros with Rondo. Well we all know how I feel about that idea, but he has a place on the Super Rondo Bros. team for sure. Carmelo was already actively recruiting Rondo to come to the Knicks, but now they can both leave their respective teams and play for the best team in the league, Super Rondo Bros.
C DEMARCUS ‘BOOGIE’ COUSINS
Talk about explosive dynamite. They played together in Kentucky. There. That’s the love connection.
HEAD COACH: KEVIN GARNETT
Rondo’s bro of all bros would get the coaching treatment where he can bitch and yell at players, Carmelo, officials, Carmelo, LaLa, Carmelo, and really any person he wants. The NBA wouldn’t be able to wire him up during a game because all the advice he’d give would be filled with curse words. Best head coach in the league.
Now, for this team to be any fun, they’d have to be filmed all season long, like NFL’s Hard Knocks, but better because us viewers at home would just sit back and wait for the utter chaos that would fall upon this team.
Between Rondo passing up wide open layups to help his bros, J Smoove jacking up threes, Boogie grabbing rebounds and throwing elbows, Kobe complaining how he needs the ball more, Boogie teaching the team not to shake hands, and KG getting ejected out of every game he coaches, there would be plenty of drama for the entire season. And lets not forget the numerous fights KG and Carmelo would get into both in practice and even in the middle of the game.
It would be like watching a train wreck, you just wouldn’t be able to look away.
Leave a comment below with any players you think we missed who would make an excellent addition to Super Rondo Bros.